The Future

It's very difficult to find the balance between living for the moment and living for the future. The future was something that never really scared me until recently. I think it started sometime during last year and through my 26th birthday and on. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm getting closer to 30, or the fact that my son is 6, or the fact that I'm actually paying my own rent and bills, or the fact that I might live until I'm 75, or the fact that I have no idea where I'll be in 10 years when my son is 16 and starts freaking out on me, or the fact that I'm getting wrinkles in the eyes, or maybe just the fact that I'm taking all my decisions to another level of soberness and meditation...oh God...my thoughts and questions and even doubts hunt me trying to make me stop. Stop what? Stop moving forward to the goals I made and the future. What future??? Well, that's something I don't know, but God does. One has got to believe in God in order to make it through life in one piece.

All I can do is pray: "Dear Jesus, I know that while You're probably laughing at my stupid worries and fears, You also know how real they are to a little girl like me with such high ambitions, but just weak faith. I know that my life has been a set of miracles since the day I was concieved, and especially during the past 4 years. The greatest miracle has been how You managed to pull me out of the dark pit of despair to start my life again somehow, and make it better. And how You're pushing me to new horizons, when sometimes I don't even know if they are really there. Jesus, whatever it is that You're doing...keep doing it! Just keep me moving, keep me believing and keep me praying. The future scares me, but You don't scare me one bit, because You have always been faithful and true. If change means You, my love, take me to Your arms and truly give me the ride of my life. Help me out here".

   

Home alone!!!

Tonight we have been oficially here in the new house for exactly one week. All I have to say is..."home alone". Actually, that is NOT all I have to say.

Man, first I was gonna say..."We said we were gonna do it, and we did it", but I'll take that back one million times over. Instead I'll say: "He said we were gonna do it, and we did...or He did". 

Well, we're here. The home has been open, the team is arriving and anything wonderful can happen. The big question is "what"? I won't lie when I say that all the changes the Family is undergoing don't scare me quite a bit, especially because I don't know how they will affect us directly in our new venture and in our personal lives, but all I can do is hang on, keep the vision and pray for the best.  

Here is our team for you (missing Miguel and Caco). Please lay hands on us in the Spirit and pray for the anointing of the Holy Spirit to do the impossible in this huge city. It's time!!! Now is the hour!!!!

One of our first meals in the new house:

During one of our many trips:

A New Song

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Sitting here with you today,
There’s such so much I want to say
You’ve been so far away
So busy with the day to day
I see you coming now
You’re heavy but you wear a crown 
You gave for so, so long
In weakness you were made strong
It’s Ok, it’s alright
I will hold you oh so tight
You will fly, you will soar
See the universe and more
Just be still, cuz you will
See My promises fulfilled
You’ll be fine and you’ll know when it’s time.
Waiting for so, so long so if what I promised would come true
Not really knowing if it’s true or if it applies to you
Always waiting, always praying for strength to carry on
But the waiting, Its Over, its time to shine on
Lighting strikes, through the sky
To remind you you are mine
Just believe you are free
And you’ll never, ever die
You can try, you can fail
But you’re never lose to Me
You will win, then you’ll come home to Me

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Hi everybody. It's been a while since I get a new song, so you can imagine how happy I was to finally get his yesterday. I actually had time to record this since my son was out with my brothers watching a soccer game, and I had like 2 hours for myself. I think it's the first time I recorded in my little set up this year. Hopefully I'll have more down the line after the move.

I love you all...enjoy!

PS: It's Jesus speaking to you... 

12 de Junho

I used to write a lot about love in my little blog. I don't know if it was because I was really trying to make peace with love and everything it had done to me, or because I actually felt love being reborn in my heart and life through the loss and heartbreak. I also used to write about freedom! I guess I used to write about a lot of deep stuff...and it was nice. I like writing, almost as much as I like composing, but not as much as I like having a really good time talking to really good friend.

It's 2AM on the 12th of June, and here in Brasil it's "lover's day" so I felt like writing about it. But as much as I try, I just don't feel romantic and I just can't fake words that don't come from within. I think I'm more in the "practical" phase of my life where I don't really analyze and talk much, but I just take calculated risks and stay on the move. "Romantic" love is not exactly in my list of priorities and I'm in fact fighting against it in my own way, and I'm feeling kind of guilty about it. 

Oh, maybe I should just shut up! I try very hard to not write nonsense in this blog and waist somebody's precious time. Time is something that most of us don't have much.

This is what I want to say:

The 12th of June is just a day like any other, and you can love someone today, just like you can love someone at any other time of the year.

What makes life special are not the special dates, but the special people.

Feelings are not so important...but man, it's so wonderful to have those feelings.

Whether you're young or old, we are all the same age when it comes to love, because we never learn, and it's always an adventure.

"Carinho" is a word I don't really know how to translate to English, but I still think that you should give more "carinho". It just feels good!!!

Peace out! I'm sorry for a sloppy post!! I love you all so much!!

Feliz dia dos namorados. 

58 years

I had an experience today. I was resting, so I took some time to watch some clips online of Christian/devocional songs and just enjoy the music and think of Jesus. For some unknown reason, one of the songs made me cry, and once I started crying and couldn't stop. I felt kind of good to cry, but I didn't know exactly why I was crying.

I laid in my bed a little sad and I started missing my dad. My dad died when I was 9, so it's quite a while ago and not something that gets me down these days, but today I was really missing him and thinking about visiting his grave sometime (I've never gone there since he was buried in Argentina and I haven't gone back since we left). I just felt like I was missing something so when I prayed about it, Jesus told me that I was missing heaven and the people here, and how I'm always gonna feel this emptyness until I arrived home.

But later on that afternoon I checked my mail and got a message from my brother and I realized what it was all about. Today is my dad's birthday. I never forget his birthday, but because of everything that's going on in my life right now, my mind hasn't stopped, besides I was planning my son's birthday in two days, so I had totally forgotten about anything else.

At first I felt really bad about forgetting his birthday, but then I realized that he was right here with me and that's why I got all those mixed feelings. He was trying to remind me of his birthday, so that I wouldn't feel bad later about forgetting, ha! Besides, he just wanted to remind that he's still around and helping me, especially in this new phase of my life. 

Thank you Papito! You will always be my hero! I love you.

Happy 58th birthday. 

What I've been up to!

 

Hi guys! Long time I don't post. I guess you understand that it's because I've been pretty busy, but let me give you an update.

These past weeks we have continued fundraising, witnessing, organizing and following up on our sheep. Man...it feels so good to be up and moving again. It feels great to be putting the Lord on the spot and excepting Him to do the miracles...and then watching them do it. "Life of faith" takes on a whole new meaning. 

The Lord has been working out a nice house for us, and maybe we'll be able to move in this month. I can't wait! I'm getting itchy everywhere...!

Other then that: You can check out the pictures. My sister and I have been helping to record the "Feed my lambs" in portugues, besides everything else that's happening. I just came back from spending two days there, and we worked on 18 songs...but let me tell you. After a few hours in that little room, you start going crazy. I don't really know where it comes from, but I just get foolish as hell. 

Well, we're almost done, TTL! Enjoy the pics.

I love you!!!!

Give a warm welcome to BR061

After 3 months in the sea of uncertanties walking on the water by faith...the clouds started to move back and we can see the stars and they are guiding us in the right direction.

A new home is being born...an offensive BABY!!!!! Our baby!!!!! Click on the pages to see them larger...just a little update!

Like a baby being born
like the sun after the storm
this is the story of our lives
every tear that we have shed
was the pathway which has led us to this point of our lives

(Click to listen)

I will sail on to where the river opens right out to the sea
and then I'll lose my oars to the mighty ocean
there to give my soul
never to come back to the shore.

(Click to listen)

Keep praying....

The Wind will come

Tonight is a very different night. I'm actually sitting here at 9:30, showered and fresh, with some hot tea, my hair down and comfortable clothes...and there's silence. It's hard to find these moments because things have been hectic since the big wave of change knocked itself in my beach. Nights are always either full of meetings, meetings, planning, bible classes, etc...but tonight my team is out at a bible class and I'm home. It feels great! I little time for me.

I was reading today through the many prophecies the Lord gave me since this time of change started, and this one really stuck out to me and I wanted to share it with you. I hope you like it!
Only believe! My wind is quiet for a little while, while you’re there waiting and expecting something to happen, to move you…but nothing happens and you start to despair. My love, I promised that I would send the wind. I promised that I would blow you far, far away to your dreams of fulfillment. So while everything is quiet, prepare for war. In peaceful silence, but knowing that the battle is coming and you’ll have to fight it with my power. You have plans to enter into the very gates of hell and release the victims that lie therein, so the devil wants to deceive you that nothing is happening, that all is quiet, that the wind won’t blow and you’ll be lost at sea. Oh no, don’t believe him. The harvest is plenteous and laborers are few, so for those laborers that are willing to go, I will open the way, even if I have to part the red sea again. Go conquer, go far, and reach for the stars. You have so much to offer to this dying world, and I need you to give it. Hold on while it’s quiet, but leave the ship ready, for the wind will blow unexpectedly and you must be ready to catch the wave…and then you can just let it take you while you hold on and feel the wind and water splash on your face. I will take you there! I want to take you there…I need to take you there. Don’t despair and don’t settle down, but be ready for the wind…for it will come.

This is for all of you who feel like you're almost exploding inside, but nothing seems to be happening. Keep your ship ready and don't be weary in well doing, because when the wind blows, you best be ready to let it take you far, far away, with no fears or regret. What do you have to loose anyway? Your wind will come...

gonna be alright

Christopher took this picture of me on Mother's day. It was at an event for 18-25 year olds, and even though I am already past that age, I found a way in there since I hadn't have fellowship with other family homes and seen my friends for over 5 months. My Mothers day had been busy working and busking and most people didn't even believe I was a mother so they didn't care to congratulate me, ha!

I look pretty happy in the picture and the truth is that I was actually feeling like "everything is gonna be alright", so I was just enjoying my family.

I cried today. I wasn't expecting to cry, and it was wasn't because something happened, but I guess the whole reality of the situation is dawning on me and the fact that it's time to leave something I gave 3 years of my life to. It's like my heart is breaking, but I haven't felt it until tonight. Dad says that change is like death, and he's so right, and no matter how many times I do it, it always hurts to much. This next part of the journey will be the actual move in the physical, and not only in the vision, so it's gonna be the hardest part. Please continue praying for it! The Lord is doing great miracles, but I guess wonderful things come with heartaches. It's just he price of life.

A quiet night

The house is very quiet right now. Most of the home is out so we had a nice quiet day at home. I decided to cook for a change (been a while) and it was quite relaxing. I made Lasagna!

When everything is quiet, I get time to actually think about everything that's going on and I come to realize how totally crazy I am. It really doesn't make any sense, but it's what I know I have to do.

This week I had lows and highs. Sometimes the pressure gets too much and I collapse and feel like it's not gonna work out, and then something happens...just like a little spark of hope to remind me that I'm not alone and that it's gonna be alright. The pieces are slowly falling into place for this new home the Lord is building, and we're kind of watching pretty amazed at what the Lord is doing. It's His masterpiece, so He's doing the hard part of staying awake at night planning, and arranging the most important details and maybe I should try to get a good night's sleep for a change.

The adventure is just starting...and this one won't end so soon!

PS: Happy birthday Gabe! You know you're one of my best friends, and I never even met you. (maybe that's why?) I love you tons!

A colorful picture post.

The roller-blades story

My son loves his roller-blades. He's pretty good at it, and the Lord supplied these really nice ones for him, and he's got quite a talent (and no fear).

This past month, with the "opening a new home" vision, I've been quite busy and singing on Sundays, so I haven't been able to have my faithful family days, so I decided to take a day off in the middle of the week to go to a nice park with my son.

That park is a little far, so I have to take a train. I packed a really nice picnic and off we were. Ok, now I was planning on having this really nice time with my son, but deep in my heart, I was really struggling with myself and the Lord due to some unpleastant circunstances that had recently developed. I was really knocked down spiritually and emotionally, and felt quite helpless and discouraged.

So...once we arrive at the park, I looked down and realised that I didn't have the roller-blades. I had forgotten them somewhere along the road. Now I felt really HORRIBLE! I knew it was my fault, because I had been thinking these negative thoughts all day instead and praying and praising. I knew that I would never be able to afford new roller-blades for him, and I knew that he would be extremely sad, because he loves them.

So we sat down together and I was on the verge of tears, but decided to snap out of it and think straight. "Let's go back and try to find them" I told him. He was very brave about it and didn't cry, TTL. As we were walking back, I was explaining to him that in case we didn't find them, we should pray for another kid who needs one to find them, and that Jesus would supply him new ones.

We went back to the train station and I explained the situation to the manager there, so he made a few calls, and then told me that I had forgotten them in the first station (like 40 minutes from here) and they were saving it for me. Man, that day I spent about 2 hours inside a train between going going back and forth, but I learned a few lessons while meditating in the train rides:

The bad things that happens to us are not the Lords fault bur our own, and the world we live in.

We're just a mess, and we'll always be, so can't make a big deal about it when we mess up, but just snap out of it and think of a way to fix it.

Jesus loves us so much, and whenever we mess up, He always finds a way to fix things for us.

We can't focus on our sins, because they'll always be there, but we have to know that Jesus can somehow use us despite them, and he'll never fail us.

After that experience, I had a really good family day, and I've been in the victory since then, plus the Lord has been doing many miracles for us, and there are still many more to come. I'll be posting pictures in the next post. I love you all! Keep on believing, God answers prayer. Keep on believing, He's still up there.

Mão no volante

Last month we had a family reunion (just missing 1 sister...sob sob) at my mom's place. It's really great to get together and catch up. I hadn't seen my brother Ivan in almost 3 years.
So we had a night where we just played and sang, and showed eachother our new compositions and stuff. Well, anyway, so I sang my latest song, and my brother filmed it. (Just cutting the first line off)

The song is portuguese, and I'm gonna leave it as such, since that's the way it came. Maybe I'll record it one and make it sound really nice, but for now, it's a really simple filming, but at least you can hear the song. It expresses a lot of what I've been feeling since the beginning of the year. I'll post the words in English in another post, for all you interested! Beijos!



Quando o dia passa tão devagar
eu não vejo a hora de escapar
só por um segundo
sair deste mundo
e ver o sol nascer

Peço para o tempo não continuar
até meus pensamentos se encontrar
achar uma saída
razão pra minha vida
e ter um pouco de paz

Quando a areia brilha como cristal
os meus pês descalços a caminhar
lá no oceano
pensando em quem amo
e não posso esperar

O meu coração bate dia a dia
fazendo com seu som uma melodia
um choro de amor
um grito de dor
e uma oração

Como um sonho tão distante
coloco a mão no volante
e dirijo pra frente
pro futuro meu

Não olho pro meu relógio
desligo meu celular
mas te ligo avisando
quando chegar ao céu

Seguro a quinta marcha
até chegar ao céu
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Left to right: Miguel (20) Me (26) Leilani (17) Martin (24) Ivan (30) Francisco (24) and the little guy is Mateus (10). Missing Clara (28). I love my family!!!!!!

PS: Keep praying for our new home. For the right team and for a huge explosion of the spirit in the form of supply, miracles, professionalism and NEW DISCIPLES!

Wind's ardent kiss

Scary night, if I may say
or maybe the fear of the coming day
the uncertain; the unknown
the dream of having a home

Come what may, let me dream
let me face the fiercest foe
even if my dreams are lies
I dared to try; I dared to go

Come with me now, if you dare
my destiny is that certain somewhere
where love is true and hearts are clean
where we risk our everything
to accomplish the highest goal
to never quit until we know
we tried and bled and gave our all
to meet our fate and heed our call
the fear is there, but so is bliss
enjoying the wind's ardent kiss
kiss me softly; kiss me strong
but just don't let it take long
take me to where I have to go
once I get there I'll know
that this is what my soul desires
and where burns the true fire

The love of truth instead of lies
the love of justice instead of war
the love of freedom amplified
the love of God above all

News and changes!

Climb every mountain, search high and low
Follow every byway, every path you know
Climb every mountain, ford every stream
Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream

Hey everybody! I've gotten a few emails from dear friends of mine who were a bit worried about me, since my last posts were kind of uncertain and it was hard to know what I was getting into.
Well, I think I'll make it official now! Not to worry folks...I did have my fight of faith, but it's come out stronger through it all!
I am embarking on a new adventure. The Spirit is blowing and I'm trying not to miss it. Right now what the Lord is leading me is to open a new home. I've pioneered several times and I love it, but I always had a back up or a strong team or some support, so this time it's really all by faith! But it's been great! As we "went" we are slowly seeing the Lord provide and work miracles. The vision the Lord gave me for this new "baby" is huge...but I'll leave to post about it in another post. We (my partner and I - check out the pic) are still in the beginning stages, building the idea and looking for the team to join us, plus making a plan of support and taking care of the little sheep the Lord already laid on our path.

It's crazy...but I love it! I'm scared, but I'm excited! There's gotta be more to life, no? It's gotta be a real LIFE OF FAITH, if not it's not worth it...at least not for me.

Os pioneiros!!!

Os pioneiros têm que ter visão, visão para ver o que ninguem mais vê

Os pioneiros têm que ter fé, fé para crer o que ninguem mais crê

Os pioneiros têm que ter iniciativa, iniciativa para ser o primeiro a tentar

Os pioneiros têm que ter coragem, coragem para ter o peito de ir até o fim.
.................................................................................
Você tambem ouve uma voz
o seu chamado para lutar
na guerra do bem contra o mal
que só os valentes vão entrar

So....who's with me????

SPARTANS

I'm about to embark in one of the craziest thing I've even done in my life. Like walking to the end of the branch, and then cutting if off behind me or crossing the bridge to the unknown and burning the bridge behind me. Basically, putting my God on the spot and believing He will prove himself to me. If it's worth it to live by faith, then it's worth it to go all the way. And it's it worth it to believe in God, then it's worth it trust Him with your whole life.

I'm a spartan! Oh yeah!!!! (I think I'm going crazy, but at least my life is making sense again)

"Se loucura é alegria e sanidade é dor, então viva a loucura, porque o mundo é pior".
(If madness is happiness, and sanity is pain, then live sanity, because the world is much worse)

End-Beginning

Question: If something needs to end, does it mean it wasn't working?

Answer: First of all, nothing ends...it only transforms to something else - usually something better. And the answer is no! It just means it had its time and now it's time for the new. You can continue hoping and believing, for another sunrise is just around the corner for those who keep their eyes open and looking to heaven.
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This post is for me. My life will be undergoing some "end-beginning" process once more, and though my heart may be say: "I believe, help my unbelief", my spirit just wants to let the wild wind blow me where my Master will. Prayers are much appreciated! I love you all.

Remember Me

Jesus:

I know you want to reach a goal, a higher purpose and carve your name in the stones of earth as someone who live and made a difference. But remember that here in heaven you already have your name carved and you're making a difference in ways you can't even imagine. Remember the things that really matter.
Remember Me!

Feast meditations

Our home had the Feast quite early this year, before most of the homes, so I'm having to hold my Feast post for the past 2 weeks and I can't hold it anymore. I have to admit that this Feast was probably the hardest of my life and I'm still getting over the shock of if all.

First I felt anger, the regret, then fear, then hopelessness and many other emotions in between. After we read the first GN, I ran to my little studio-room and cried for about 15 minutes. I don't really know why, but I just cried and felt very comfused.

I wasn't able to absorve anything else after that since I had to get answers to the questions of my heart first, so the second day I packed my backpack with some stuff, and went on a mini pilgrimage to find peace and decide the rest of my life. I believe most of you went through the same thing I did, so I won't go into detail of describing what I was thinking, since you probably felt the same thing, but I will only tell you about some answers I got in the quietness.

I asked my heart some questions. I took a paper to write it down and sat on the grass beside a lake with nature around me. Here's what I wrote:

Question: What matters in life?

Answer: Dedication to your cause; finding the essence of who you are; going always forward, never backwards; finding out what makes you happy; friendship; eternity; building something; having a home; life is short...

(I know this probably doesn't make much sense to you, but I had to discover what really mattered for me, to know where I would invest the rest of my life)

Question: What brings happiness?

Answer: Simplicity; dancing in the wind; children; laughter; discovering new things; knowing where you're going; bouncing back; acceptance; life; loving like a child; to be loved and cared for; memories; youth; tight hugs; seeing the veiw of both sides of the road when you're driving in the country; the ocean waves under you; putting the flag on top of the mountain.

Quesion: What is time?

Answer: Nothing; fickle; gone forever; barely enough; only enough for the really important things; is never mine; the one that always escapes; waiting; madness; speed; noise; movement; hours and minutes; tick tack; the clock is ticking; birthdays; heart acceleration; air; a stone in our brain; trouble; distraction; hope; everything we've got.

Question: Where to now? ( the big question)

Answer: Forward; higher; to the future; to forever; to the skies; to learn to swim; to heaven; to "no fears"; to growing up; to something better; to understand; to the end of the world; to light; to youth; to medals; to new beginnings; to win; to never regret; to diving in the cold ocean; to my dreams; to my God; to myelf; to peace, real peace.

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These were my meditations, and they helped me to understand that what I really want deep inside, I can still find it in the Lords service. My thoughts haven't stopped and I still consider lots of crazy things to do, but I found peace with myself and with my God. So I'll keep going!

Happy birthday, dear Family

I read these 3 quotes today and they really stood to me. I think they are part of the essence of the Family and they will be taking an even greater meaning for us in the days to come.

Take that word “life” and turn it over and over and press it and try to measure it, and see what it will yield. Eternal life… comprises everything the heart can yearn after.”

We will a thousand times sooner die trusting only in our God than live trusting in man.

The callings of God are without repentance.